The world seems to revolve around everybody, but me.

ciphers

2007-02-25T00:12:00.000+08:00

chingay was super. especially the post-parade street party. "scenery nice nice music nice nice everything i tell you ah, is really sibei song ah!" went into the bboying circles for ciphers. stix shinn me. stin. lol. that was the best part. the rest of the time it was just hurrying up and down orchard road trying to get back to post on time.

and the dinner sucked.

common test starts on monday. which is the day after tmr, so must really start mugging.

lovers to dust?

2007-02-16T23:01:00.000+08:00

you should have made your intentions clear to me from the start
i would have tried not to fall this deeply in love
though it would have been hard not to

cuz i was born to tell you
i love you. what about you.

but i can live with this. of course i can.

step it up.

2006-11-07T22:42:00.000+08:00

i wanna blog but i dont know what to write. so most of the time im lazy to blog because of that.
therefore i'll just blah out whatever's in my mind right now.

toprock toprock drop footwork footwork freeze!

the colour GREEN

no more.

__________________________

i'll stay hidden for now,
with the hope that one day,
i'd matter as much to you, as you to me.

stare at me and ______

2006-10-25T22:56:00.000+08:00

have been breaking lots and lots recently. SMUB1C should be made official man, with a somewhat less corny name. haha.

_______________________________________
things just aren't the same anymore are they.
all those talks on the phone through the night.
slow walks around the school, from the lecture halls and back.
being there everytime i needed a listening ear.

If i do fall, once again, would you be there, like how it was?

maybe its just me.

never wanna say goodnight.

2006-09-09T21:52:00.000+08:00

crew 602 is dope.
family crew with inertia? more dope. connect connect and soon we will be friends of RF o.O
date on fridays!

its all about style?

style? what style? just move your legs anyhow, then squat down and throw your legs anyhow, and then freeze in a certain position, and thats breakdancing. anyone can do it then.
but Rhythmic Style crew is gooood.

Stitch and Stix will be better. and we will be S&S duo. haha. like Farhan and Felix, F&F. wtf.

Went breaking today, and met 602 again and these guys are really dope. zzz. and really friendly. just like me. Went for dinner after a few hours. Carl's Jr for the first time just now, and omg they should be called burger king, instead of some junior thingy. School's starting once again in 2 more days. im going to night study the whole of next week! never really studied the whole of this holiday week. and promos should be called retain instead. thsoe who fail will not get to retain. how nice.

its really good to hear your voice, saying my name, it sounds so sweet.
coming from the lips of an angel, hearing those words, it makes me weak.

inside of love

2006-09-04T14:48:00.000+08:00

another stupid phrase. this time its from the stupid noisy screen you find in every mcdonalds.

"(Our) company's website is now on-line"

wtf?

________________

he feels lonely when he's alone.
even when he's not alone, sometimes he feels so.
its as if all around him, only he cared about himself.

why wasn't he special?

i wished i was special. to her. at least.

________________

im supposed to be studying. i can't study at home!

2006-09-03T22:49:00.000+08:00

its the september holidays! lets look forward to one week of intense mugging.
hahahahaha.

lonely once more.

2006-08-24T20:31:00.000+08:00

phrase of the day by hongkit
"i think homosexuals are damn gay"

nice one hongkit hahahaha.
______

I have no idea who you are talking about. a large part of me's dying just believing that it's about me, for all other signs somehow points the other way, and im struggling to hold on, holding to a blur that refuses to identify itself.
the situation is getting really complicated, i can't comprehend the rationales behind what you did. those entries never fail to move me, but were they intended for me in the first place?
maybe i should just stick to what's obvious on the surface, and i suppose that means having to behave as if i didnt say what i said, and you have not replied the way you did.

and she turned

just an arm's length away, if he just reached out and hold her, would she stay?
but what if she refused to even listen?

further now, but if he ran, he could stil catch up.
but what if she started running?

just a shadow now, yet as long as she's still in sight, the sun will still shine.
but yes, she's visible now, for how long more? would it stay this way?

he stood there watching as she walked away
never once looking back
tears streaming down his cheeks. the sun disappearing, cold and dark settling onto the quiet streets, and into his heart that wasn't his anymore.
________________________________

turning around, she bit back tears and stifled sobs, maybe keeping silent would make it hurt less. would he even bother reaching out and holding her?

memories of times spent walking around aimlessly, where the streets have no name. would he run after her, and create continuations to them, creating more memories?

the streets are starting to wind, but stil no call from him to turn back.
if only he would hold her hand then, she'd make sure everything turned out fine.
but where was he?

every step she took sent jolts of emotional aches to her heart. afraid of turning around and seeing him gone, she trudged on, and walked into the sunset, taking along with her his heart, as cold and dark set onto the streets.

i don't want us to end like that. are we going to continue living behind this fucked-up facade?

2006-08-15T17:47:00.000+08:00

one day i was smsing in class...

stop smsing la, you nutcase
but the person im smsing is not a nutcase.
no im saying u la, nutcase
eh, but im nuts, not a nutcase!
no, you are the case, you got no nuts

thanks ah jade o.O

im someone to her.

2006-08-11T00:36:00.000+08:00

if only.

then we wouldnt end up staring into nothing, wishing time would turn itself around.

what if.

what used to be so real, now seems so far-fetched to have been thought of.

then again.

even u said it. would things ever be the same? would they ever go back to what they once were?

all these questions. my life's a pattern of woven threads, if you have been woven in differently, what would life be like now? would you be mine?

end of it all.

2006-08-09T22:53:00.000+08:00

National day is only exciting cuz of the fireworks. and the break from school. And singapore is one year older now. which kinda reminds me that my parents are aging too. cuz mum's same age as singapore, and, my thoughts just links and links and links. makes me rather sad. rather.

he hates saying goodbye.
and he knows he can hold on, but what for.
the truth of the situation is plain in sight, bared to him in cruel directness.
losing track of uneventful days, spring goes away unnoticed,
and its winter once again in his heart.

he knows he can hold on,
secretly hoping that he's the one who belongs in her heart.
night after night of senseless waiting, guessing, always ending with no conclusion.
memories of good times, are now seen through hazy eyes, the occured seemingly impossible to have occured.
she waltzed out of his heart, spring danced along at her heels,
and its winter once again in his heart.

looking back, with blade held across the heart, she'd smile at the mess she left.
and he'd thank her still for leaving him to pick up the pieces all by himself.
he's not holding on.

winter.

i cant complain.

2006-08-08T21:09:00.000+08:00

double whammy! stupid day. half the school walked past us during the walk (we were doing first aid duty) and called us slackers! WHAHAHA. too bad =)

i can hear the sounds of fireworks going on right now, but i cant see shit. stupid buildings that block fireworks, just die.

I did all i could. i bared my heart. i hoped for the best. i WANTED the best. is this all im ever going to get?
to have to pick up the broken pieces all by myself? broken pieces of my heart. how many times has this happened? how many more times do i have to experience this? i dont even dare to look her in the eye anymore.
i did all i could. for her, i have. maybe im just incomparable to some thought-conjured guy.

stop whining. im gonna go do FEEZIKS now. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

this is just a song.

2006-08-03T20:59:00.000+08:00

I'm sittin' here all by myself
just trying to think of something to do
I'm trying to think of something anything
just to keep me from thinking of you
But you know it's not working out
cuz you're all that's on my mind
One thought of you is all it takes to leave the rest of the world behind

I didn't mean for this to go as far as it did
And i didn't mean to get so close and share what we did
And i didn't mean to fall in love but i did
And you didn't mean to love me back but i know you do

I'm sittin' here trying to convince myself
that you're not the one for me
But the more i think the less i believe
and then the more i want you here with me
You know the holidays are coming up i don't want to spend them alone
Memories of chistmas time with you just kill me if i'm on my own

And I didn't mean for this to go as far as it did
And I didn't mean to get so close and share what we did
And I didn't mean to fall in love but i did
And you didn't mean to love me back
I know it's not the smartest thing to do
We just can't seem to get it right
but what i wouldn't give to have one more chance tonight

im sittin' here tryin' to entertain myself with this old guitar
But with all my inspiration gone it's not gettin' me very far
I look around my room and everything i see reminds me of you
Oh please baby won't you take my hand we've got nothing left to prove

Well I didn't mean for this to go as far as it did
And I didn't mean to get so close and share what we did
And I didn't mean to fall in love but i did
And you didn't mean to love me back but i know you did

And I didn't mean to meet you then when we were just kids
And I didn't mean to give you chills with the way that i kiss
And I didn't mean to fall in love but i did
And you didn't mean to love me back but i know you did

Don't say you didn't love me back cuz you know you did
No you didn't mean to love me back but you did

A lonely September - Plain White T's

2006-07-25T23:10:00.000+08:00

ah. fuck it. just fuck everything.

i'd freeze-frame on life's playback

2006-07-23T22:43:00.000+08:00

i'd freeze-frame on life's playback. i'd pause at all the good parts, but i'll doing nothing to the bad parts. for that's when i learn. thats when i learn, the reason you turned your back

i want to be there for you when things are going wrong.
i want to share all your sorrows,
share all your joys,
share every emotion you feel.
i want to live life looking forward to seeing you everyday,
i want to fall asleep with the assurance that you will still be here when i wake up.
and i want to wake up to you smiling at me.

i'd love to walk hand in hand with you down the streets,
i'd love to give you flowers,
i'd love to call you darling,
i'd love to provide the shoulder u'd turn to whenever u need one to cry on,
and i'd love to provide the ear for listening.

i wish that you'd be here forever to drive away the nights in my heart,
i wish that there's more to every smile u give to me free,
i wish for you to give me a chance to show u forever

fickle even when choosing ccas?

2006-07-21T20:28:00.000+08:00

canoeing. dance. canoeing. dance. canoeing. dance. canoeing. dance. canoeing. dance. canoeing. dance.

dance.

and what the hell, jocelyn was like, JOIN GYM. what, i wanted to ok. u said no experience, cannot -.-

nvm. dance =) i know i'll probably feel like going over again when everyone starts going off for canoeing trainings, and talking about canoeing all the time! the strokes, whos first, and all the rubbishy rubbish imaginable. but for now, i guess i'll stay in dance hahaha.
actually wanted to session tomorrow, which is saturday. unfortunately, i have some cip thingy at woodlands and reporting time is at 1030! wushu ends at 10, so im given half an hour to wash up, change, and travel from toapayoh to woodlands. wtf.

If there's music, we can use it.
Be free to dance, We don't have the time for psychological romance.
No romance, no romance. No romance for me.

korn. i wouldn't follow it! dance i will, if there's music. BUT. i have all the time for romance. at most, i'll do another year of j1 haha.
theres actually pros and cons to that. good thing is u get to enjoy another 2 more orientations! more t shirts, more friends, more memories. also, u'd enjoy one more year in your cca. now, who can ask for more! i shan't mention the cons everybody knows, and spoil my own mood. haha.

do i have all the time for romance. i do. but does she too?

oh oh oh. wenxiang pierced his eyebrow. weird shit thats slightly cool ahaha. o.O i wont look, i might just do it someday!
no. no i wont.

skin is dumb.

2006-07-20T22:02:00.000+08:00

i just changed skin, and it turns out to be some stupid skin. try right-clicking, and some stupid "black" word appears. so mafan la. had to do so many things and experiment so MANY times before i could get things to turn out like what it is now.

anw. today was racial harmony celebrations in CJ, and omg was i blue. ahh sian.

stupid skin.

im being treated as someone normal, just NORMAL, by her.
what was i thinking, are we NOT just normal? normal friends, thats what we are.
whats meant to be yours will be, and whats not,

I WILL JUST HAVE TO FIGHT FOR YOU TO BE MINE.
trust me i'll do whatever's within me. i love you.

This is my life. random as it is.

2006-07-15T22:43:00.000+08:00

YES stix, no emo-ness please. dont hate kann! hes such a nice person please. ahaha.

everyone's studying. even luthfi, who got like an A, a C, and erm, 2 F's. lol. i remember, cuz he made somthing out of it! ACF^2. ahahaha. im not going to say what it stands for here.
maybe i should start studying too, considering the kinda of sucky lousy betmyparentswouldvomitbloodwhentheyfoundout results.

whatever u do, whichever decision u choose to take in the end, i just hope its the one that brighten up ur life instead of dampening it anymore. im saying it, only cuz i care. think properly. A fish swimming in the sea, that what you are. surely u wouldnt wanne be tied down to some other insensitive but nice fish, and thus taken away with it, the freedom of roaming the vast vast vast sea.

elmo's world. is red. like blood. which i hate seeing. people who cut themselves, just stop it. it gets u attention, yes, but what good will it bring, when after awhile, its just going to project u in a negative light. its pointless, slitting wrists and watching blood ooze out doesnt mean that ur troubles sorrows whatever are leaving u, just as surely as those blood are.

then again, elmo is red. his world is not. its drawn out of crayons, and other colours fusing to show u how cheerful his world can be. sadly, elmo's world doesn't reflect the state of higgledy-piggledy OUR world is in.

he's living life to the max. he's dancing. and he dreads wushu. its fucking up his schedule. not that its any productive schedule.
and so, higgledy-piggledy this world of mine.

why didnt she take my words seriously? i wasn't joking. i've already found her; dream girl. and if by literal terms, dreaming of her would giv her the authenticity, i'd never leave my bed, and every waking moments would just be to gulp sleeping pills. until the moment when somehow, she's mine. then again. what i said back then, it didnt sound that serious, did it? but hey. im great at taking hints, trust me on that. i can jolly well just disappear one day, and she wouldnt even notice. why does it always turn out like that.

bite me. i'll bite elmo. i dont wanna enter his world in my sleep. i wanna dream. of stairways that lead to heaven. or mudslides that leads to the fierry pits of the underworld. but i'd embark on the endless stairways, for i know, at the top, i'd find her there, my angel, donning ur angelic halo, smiling ur angelic smile. and thats when i'd melt.

AND THEN I WAKE, with reality falling back in place, and no sleeping pills anywhere near me.

HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY!!

2006-07-10T21:28:00.000+08:00

OMT la. getting back midyear exams results this week. I DID NOT FAIL CHEM ahaha. but i did like freaking badly for chinese and physics la. sian. not that i didnt expect it la. whatever.

ive got messages for people!
JADE! stop hey-ing please. hahahaha. HEY HEY HEY HEY!!! bai. PEI!!

STIX! stop being emo pls. u know i love you. haha. silence between you and her? i shall make a din between you and ME.

RAH! dont think it impossible to get 34/30 ok. bong is mad. hahahaha.

FISHIIE! good luck for your shooting nationals =)

KIT! dont be a wuss la. what mentality. u still can run one la! lol.

FISHIIE! good luck for your shooting nationals =)

MISS FISH LIPS! good luck for YOUR nationals too =) and stop lfc-ing, and happy topics!! please take care of the cut too!

JANICE! happy topics = *** *** = god. ur obsessed la! lol. its censored enough right? YES.

ZEE! go go mills! but u wont beat me. yes you wont. i mean no you wont XD

ok whatever le! im going to bed now. cuz its 645 tmr at the grandstand! running! YES. hahaha. HEY HEY HEY HEY!! what a happy post!

im the music man.

2006-06-30T23:56:00.000+08:00

i walk around with music flowing out from within me.

what the hell was that supposed to mean. haha. im sure amy knows.

The exams are over! and what the hell, i have to fall sick just straight after the exams? stupid la.
wonderful panadols worked for me though. fever had better stay away. zzz.

subjects im going to fail: chinese. econs. physics. chemistry. math.
wait thats like failing every one of my subjects. cannot.
ok. maybe i won't be failing math. just maybe. dont know la. sian.

while i fought hard, i craved desperately for you, wanting you to be here for me.
nah.
at least u cared.

=D

what in the name of my devillish fish dish.

2006-06-24T22:25:00.000+08:00

Gazing into her eyes,
i just wished i could have held you right there and then, and never let go, ever.

Making small talk over dinner, wondering constantly, if the next moment would be the moment when i run out of things to say
I wanted to tell you so much that i've been dreaming day and night for you to be mine.

Waving her hand to signal her leave
A hug wouldn't take too much of your time

Embracing her, i thought it must have ended as soon as it started
why didnt it take more of your time?

Gathering all the courage he had, though it sounded more than casual
i spilled my thoughts, only to have the topic avoided like it was taboo to be spoken

It shouldn't end like this

The devil himself must have been watching over him that night
he took care of me. yea he surely did.

out with the emo, back with smileys and HAHAs.

2006-06-23T19:23:00.000+08:00

MAN! mel got to go for a diving trip! what the hell. i wanna dive. but i cant dive, and no opportunity for me too.
i know i should probably be studying right now, but. LAZY la. besides, i have only one chapter left to finish the whole of math. right jade? yea i think so. haha.
and man i love amelia, for introducing me to walking ashland. THANKS! hahaha. hongkit, faints prease. stop influencing yuanyu and suemaine. haha.

SHADES OF GRAY, PLEASE FADE AWAY

maybe. just maybe. whenever i like someone, i give off this.. aura? *the word STENCH came to my mind, but i dont stink!* that makes them stay away from me? or maybe its just cuz i act weird. life is as weird as weird is weird itself. i will never be able to comprehend the complex ways these fucked up i-like-you, you-like-me thing works.
bring out the childish side of me. let my heart escape from this bars of self-pity, and just run free, confidently. but. dear heart, just try not to make me love anyone anymore.

do i stand any chance?

2006-05-30T00:32:00.001+08:00

todays leonard's birthday! or maybe it was, 40 minutes ago, before it ended. HAPPY BIRTHDAY LEONARD. lol.

today's the 30th. Camp happens every year, at different dates. This year, the last day
's on the 1st of June. It's just an ordinary camp.

but its the ordinary camp where i met extraordinary her.

and she would only be going on the last day of camp.

that'd be a chance for me to see her

a chance for me to, what, melt? once again?

I dont want it. It's heartwrenching when you are physically close to someone u want but you know somehow things wont turn out the way your heart desires.

once again, happy birthday leonard.

MELT ME

2006-05-28T16:04:00.000+08:00

as okok im here to blog. dont know if anyone even comes to this blog anymore. hahahahaha. sorry jade!! i didnt reply you on the tagboard. sarah smarter HAHA!!~~

Back then, i could melt just by staring at her

Last night a camp was the best. She was there by my side, for as long a duration as i can remember. It was the best night.
That night, each time i looked at her face, i'd wish so much i could just stare into those beautiful eyes forever, and just melt into her gaze.

Memories are playing like a film without sound

She wrote on my hand, the green ink setting on it like it was meant to be there, as if it had been waiting for a whole 15 years for it. and it was only my name. and on that day, i saw her wearing her glasses for the first time. i swore i must have stood rooted to the floor for more than just mere seconds, just staring. of course, still stealing glances at some point of time. I dont think it was possible to have my heart melt even more that day. i need to throw myself into a freezer. haha shit la im being fcking lame.

Like all good things, it couldn't last, it had to came to an end too

WHAT had to come to an end? was there even anything in the first place? i dont know. i just wish there was.

Nothing tastes as sweet as what you cant have

I MISS HER SO. i only wish things didnt turn out the way it did.

2006-04-18T23:55:00.000+08:00

man. i miss terence and sampson.

2006-04-18T22:52:00.000+08:00

I lay motionless in the dark, listening to slow ballads that speaks of ever glorious love.
As the leaves outside rustle angrily with the howling wind, thoughts of u drifts into my mind.
My heart cringes as I reminesce, images of the past coming into view.
The masking fog disappearing momentarily, memories of forgotten pain raced home to my mind,
and there you are, , sitting in your made-up throne, the root to all these unspoken pain.
I dont hate you. There's just nothing good enough for me to hold onto.
And just like what you once said, our love has , indeed, withered like these flowers.

its getting to me.

2006-04-08T13:16:00.000+08:00

He could jolly well be the densest man whos alive now.
After all those signs, even blind old john could have realised that everyone else could have stood chances, everyone but him.
his smses always seem to collide with some kind of invisible wall of impregnable frequency, never reaching her. seemingly never reaching her.
miracles do happen sometimes, but it takes eighteen damn hours for her to get back to him.

there used to be a time
when the relationship was fine.
nights were bright as day,
it didnt seem the sun would set, not in his heart anyway.
until one fateful day,
she had to brought away.

He has to admit, he will never get to eat chocolate. He will have to stick with NASI LEMAK. besides, chocolate gives you heart problems.

Shot down.

2006-04-02T09:04:00.000+08:00

When was the last time you let somebody affect your mood? When was the last time somebody's comment swayed ur confidence, or made u lose faith in what u always believed in?
they always tell us, why bother with what others think about you.

Simple
Who decides what is fashionable, and what is not?
not us.
Who decides what's the cool things to do, and what will make u look like a complete geeky loser when done?
not us.
Who sets the definition for the term "good-looking"?
not us.

The others.
So, why bother what they think. right? bah.
be indifferent.
Just try.

I need a large dose of extra sweet chocolate

lift me

2006-04-01T10:20:00.000+08:00

I am deeply infatuated with

eating chocolate.
But whenever i see other people eating chocolate, i feel so bitter inside.
Chocolate seems to be so popular with so many people.
I just wish.
I could get to eat chocolate everyday.

THIS IS BULLSHIT COWSHIT WHATEVERSHIT.

time to blog!

2006-01-14T12:10:00.000+08:00

surprisingly, maplestory isn't down, but im here blogging XD
having failed to get into SAJC through appeal, i went to CJC for my first three months. Obviously we had our orientation and stuff.
obviously, orientation was fun.

and obviously, i made new friends.

and obviously, i was asked to dye my hair black. F.

Lessons have started, since wednesday. Lectures and home tutorials just bore me out. argh.
There's no taekwondo CCA in CJ, though even if there is i dont think i would have joined. talking about CCAs, max is in choir!! haha. cheers. cant imagine him singing.
i signed up for eleven CCAs, and linze signed up for 8. we are all mad. laughs.
i signed up for:
canoeing
ODAC
astronomy club
Fencing
xcountry
swimming
Student council (gave it up the moment i signed up)
dance (didnt think i could get in, but i did)
guitar club (crap)
rugby (want very much to join but cant fit it in my schedule)
Gymnastics (wanted this cuz it'd help my breakdancing)

it was hard deciding on which cca to choose in the end. advice is, dont do what i did. decidee first then sign up. haha.

i chose canoeing, dance and swimming. would have went for ODAC if it didnt clash with canoeing.
just had canoeing training yesterday. we could have paddled the whole of kallang river for all i know! paddled until my arms hurt. and the crazy coaches made us do 100 pushups once we got back! my arms hurt now. ouch.
T_T

in all, JC was a really fun experience. just telling all the people who are able to get into first three months, to just go. fun la.
but i have to dye my red hair black. F again. argh.

Its a season to be jolly?

2005-12-25T10:31:00.000+08:00

Merry Christmas everyone, my friends, my whoever, and anyone who chances upon this dumb blog XD and especially you darling n_n

Stay away from me.

2005-12-21T11:09:00.000+08:00

As usual, MapleStory is down, thats why I am here!
Last post was in November 29.
Sometimes, when i lie on my bed at night, desperately trying to fall asleep, i just cant help it, my mind drifts off to all the unhappy stuff that ever happened in my life. As much has i try to reminisce about the lovely times, defiantly my mind just turns at the wrong avenue.
When you have spent some time getting along with someone, you start to take each other for granted, until something/someone appears, and threatens his/her existence in your life. You start to question your value in his/her life, question how much u actually mean to him/her.
Thats when you will realise, good or bad, just how much your partner is worth you doing all that you did for them.
There is just too much non-understandable stuff that we try so hard to understand. After so long, i'd say; forget it. Just take whatever comes, and make the best out of everything.
I swear alot, and i bite, so stay away. RAR.

finally blogging.

2005-11-29T01:50:00.000+08:00

if i dont consider the stupid small post i made on november 9, then its been, erm, then its been 48 days since i last blogged. It's getting scarier to blog nowadays, with so many people hauled to court for writing STUPID stuff on their blogs. zzz.

im scared too. what if i accidentally say something wrong. lol.

its one o one and i cant get to sleep. crickets again. i miss her so much, and she's going away tomorrow. aww. zzz.

O levels are over. all four years of hard work (ok maybe only two months of hard work, and 3 years 10months of slacking) just for two weeks of exams. not really worth the effort it seems. zzz.

all the 'zzz's are making me tired. but i cant sleep. every time i close my eyes i see her. aww sweet right? of course. thats me. =p

okok whatever just ignore what i just said... anw.

MAPLESTORY IS UNDERGOING MAINTENANCE and therefore my life is boring as can be, just sitting around all day waiting for flies to feed on me. rotting. zzz. i got a job though. but its not starting until december 9. i think.

oh oh oh ! i was on friendster and there was this ad headed :"cure for insomniacs". lol. i need. zzz.

okok no link. tell u guys something which can be said to be of equal "no link"ness, or even lesser link.
I GOT AN iPOD VIDEO! whooooo. its been awhile, but i haven't registered for the warranty.
zzz. i was browsing the web today, and wanting a good picture of an iPOD, i typed ipod on yahoo and searched. one of the results that popped out was this:

http://www.ipodsdirtysecret.com/

makes me sian. but after that i followed a link, and was relieved to find out there is now a new offer. whew. go check it out if you want.. im lazy to go into any elaborations here. zzz.

went to chinablack on thursday. expected to see max there. only saw derrick and gang though. no sign of max. i miss him. heh.

ahh sian. i'll go back to attempting to sleep. zzz.

o levels.

2005-11-09T14:09:00.000+08:00

o levels are here. no time to blog. zzz

hey people im fine, really.

2005-10-13T12:41:00.000+08:00

lots of shit popping up in my hotmail inbox, telling me that if i click on this link, i will receive a iPOD Nano for free, with the shipment charges waived and all.

YEAH RIGHT.
waste of space. its been 10 days since i last posted? well anyway,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAMPSON!
you really need to rack you brains when you are thinking of what gift you are getting for someone's birthday, especially when this person is your best buddy. lol. Till now, i still cant settle on a gift that would seem, erm, perfect?
Anyway, dont really feel like blogging these few days, with the impending Olevels (AAGH), so naturally, being the hardworking person that i am, im studying soo hard everyday i dont even want to waste time having my meals or even going to the toilet. Cant bear to seperate myself from my beloved books. Poor books.

graah what rubbish, i haven't even been studying muc hthese few days. MAPLE MAPLE MAPLE. =) maybe cuz i did considerably well for my prelims, im starting to slacken. ZZZ...

Oh yea, a few days back i was in the Macdonalds opposite my house, and when i was served, the cashier (a middle-aged aunty) looked at me like i had the weirdest face she ever seen, then,

"Desmond?"

what the hell, she knows me. Turns out she is the mother of my primary school friend. lol she laughed and told me about how her son's results are dropping, and her exact words were "xian zai hen lan". very lousy now? so i asked how much. She replied

15.

oh so i was like, HEY I GOT 15 TOO!!!

and she said, YAH! Lan lor. what the hell again. maybe cuz this certain friend had always topped the level in primary school. Smart dude.

Maple is undergoing maintenance, and it will only be available for playing at 8pm. So i still have 7 hours to go. haha. should i spend this time writing a super long post?

NAH. see ya.

Moving on.

2005-10-03T22:41:00.000+08:00

Even the tenderest love requires intervals of absence.
It was all too perfect to last.
all those happy moments are now just mere memories.
having no more love in this anymore
a slight misunderstanding could have caused a never ending argument.

Things change. Her feelings changed.
I am now more alone than ever. Like i was a single flower removed from a bouquet, where in this case the other flowers were her love.
She has found someone who could replace me. Its time I move on.
At least i leave with the satisfaction of knowing i wasn't at fault.
Maybe one day, just maybe, she will realise how irreplaceable she is to me.
and maybe, just maybe, she will regret ever making this choice; leaving me to pick up the pieces myself.

I will welcome you back, as graciously as you did before.

And no, i dont hate you.

Goodbye my lover.

2005-10-02T18:09:00.000+08:00

Thinking back on the times when i would feel so insecure i doubted her every words, I feel so dumb now.
What's happening now just seems to have hazed up the happy memories that we used to share. To her, there is no longer a We. Now, it is purely a her. Or maybe soon, it would be a them, to me.
I regret ever doubting her.
Regret ever yelling at her.
Regret not ever looking past her strong facade, into her delicate spirit.
Though her heart is now with another,
I am still here, with nothing but my love to offer.
I miss her more than ever.
Miss her cheery influences in my life.
Miss those times when we would talk hours into the night.
Miss the pair of eyes that always showed me that she yearned for my love.
Those beautiful eyes.
Being with me, even though she smiled, her eyes always betrayed what she was trying to portray.
Still, i would not be able to cheer her up.
Now she's gone.
I regret not being able to say I love you one last time.
I miss her. I miss the way she speaks. I miss the way she moves.

I love you.
I've seen you at your best, and your worst.
Even if you are not be here with me anymore, and you have someone else to start new happy memories with,
Even if your love for me have withered, as all things in the world will someday,
I love you.
Darling, I will never forget you. Goodbye.

untitled.

2005-09-27T22:31:00.000+08:00

Smart and beautiful. A girl with brains and beauty, they'd say. She belonged to him.
He always thought she loved him only. Of all those arguments they had, he always felt it was due to his over-protectiveness. He thought. If he loved her more, all these will stop. He set out to make her happy, wanting never ever to break her heart. unless once again, she broke his again. He told her how he felt, and what he wants to do. Her response told him that she thought it was sweet. and at that point of time, he never knew; she was actually rolling her eyes.
He always thought she loved him only. But he thought wrong. And he had to find out when it all seemed perfect. Feeling guilty, she said nothing, just empty assurances. but as always, after feeling guilty for a period of time, usually one or two days, She would be sick of feeling guilty. She would turn everything back on him, twisting everything around, the way she always does. Scolding him even though she knew she was the one at fault.
He disappointed her once. So he could say nothing about it. Keeping it all in, he pretended he was fine. Pretending also because she threatened to leave him. She doesn't know that his survival depends more on her existence in his life than she could ever imagine.
Until everything came to light. That day. He was hurt. He knew then, she did not love only him.
He loves her.
After all this.
He loves her still.

dear lover. past tense.

2005-09-13T00:24:00.000+08:00

For the last time, we said Good bye

You thought right then that i would fly

But I knew to you this time's for real

I acted nonchalant, like i don't feel

You let me go,

I know it hurt you so

A love so true, it felt so sweet

My heart i gave, it was yours to keep

Things turned sour, though sweetness lingered

I turned rude, and still you persisted

For a year of my life, I had been selfish

expecting large contributions from you, when only this little i give

You gave me all your love

For you thought that i was precious and sent from up above

You held me every moment, held me tight

Praying I would always love you every day, and every night

But time went on, as it tends to do

Even our love turned sour too

I tried desperately to make you turn back,

But you fell deeper, even though my love was slack

And I broke every promise, when I broke your heart

It seemed obvious what i had to say

You were quiet, you just stared

I couldn't see still, those tears you shed

Looking back now, I could say all was my bad

I held on to you, in the depths of my heart

Knowing one day we must part

Your love still remains, surviving the betrayal I’ve done

Messing with another girl, and breaking your heart

You stood by my side, though I didn’t want you

I found you troublesome, even as you keeled

Still, you loved me so endlessly

There isn't really a word that can describe your dedication to me

Now, i miss those early mornings

Meeting way before the sun rises

You will always have a special place within my heart

You will always be the first, who touched me so deep

And in my heart, I will always keep

memories of you and me

together for eternity

You taught me how to love and, darling

You will always be my first love.

lazy holidays.

2005-09-09T02:27:00.000+08:00

Its been four days since i last blogged. Am getting real lazy to do so. lol. There hasn't been much things going on during these week long holiday. Life is as uneventful as the time when i was grounded. Pretty much the same to me, holidays. Just another reason to make you stay home. And doesn't all the distractions at home just make you want to study? then again, maybe not. -heh-
the computer is where i waste away all those precious time, which i can spend on studying. yea man i love studying. ok maybe i only like saying i love studying, but in fact i don't? argh whatever. Playing Maple story now, pretty stupid game, but gets interesting at times (like now), and those cute characters just piss me off cuz' they cant walk any faster. slooow.
Had tuition today, and the teacher was reminiscing about old times again. I was so put off i decided to concentrate on my maths instead. miracle. =)
oh yea my phone's getting worse. muzh muzh worse. Now, i don't even get lucky anymore. A few days back, it was working just fine, and suddenly, there was a recrudescence of disappearance (of the screen display, of course).
and now, there isn't even any fking display anymore! great phone. love it.
and what i don't get is; by wanting a new phone, i am actually branded materialistic. now now, who in the world could live with a phone like that?

i know.

ME.

oh yea that was green again. slowly, green is taking over the place red used to have in my heart. im in love with green now. why? don't know.
colours are dumb things to talk about. I feel wierd when people ask me what my favourite colour is.
its dark outside. The road is freaking empty, and the cars that whizzzzzzz pass occasionally are mostly taxis. great time to be out travelling now. hah. cuz accessibility is -whoa-
gets you to yio chu kang from boon keng in 10 minutes.

my entries are all irrelevant rubbish, i realised.
holidays made my mind go blank.

maple story. hahahahahahahaha. cute monsters.

i need a new phone.

2005-09-04T21:13:00.000+08:00

I desperately need a new phone. This one i am using is one darn flickering shit. The screen, if i am lucky, will show the contents flickering. but when i am not lucky, which incidentally, is almost ALWAYS, there will not even be anything on the screen. yep. thats my phone. on top. It looks real cool, the time when it was first introduced. kraah.
Today is sunday again. Wushu days all over again. Rushed to tuition as usual, and i need a new phone.
I came across this promotional thingy on yahoo website just now. You are supposed to play a game, and if you happen to be one of the few top scorers, You get to win pods. ipods. whakakakaka.
So i attempted, but it was about the weirdest topic in the district, area, country, world. -laughs- CPF game. I know nuts about CPF. Why the hell would anybody set quizzes on CPF???
The game was something like monopoly, where you are supposed to but properties, investments, such as shares and unit trust.
I know. THIS IS DUMB. hah. I got around 80000 points, and what a feat! well at least i thought it was, until i saw the rankings; there are people who scored 400000 plus! yes, there was five zeros in that.
ok lets rephrase. There were freaks who scored 400000 plus!
enough about this dumb game. I still need a new phone. Miraculously, the screen can now be seen, until i touch the phone. Upon which, the displays disappear totally. Now, what good is that? I need a new phone.
I have been swimming these past few days, so max i will get a tan too alright! heh.
I want a new phone more than a tan.
During tuition today, teacher was going on about some unknown thing again, and somehow it just got to life's basic principles, then, as always, he would tell us to study hard. lol.
"Right now, when your parents are paying for your education, you must try to hit as high as possible." he placed delicate emphasis onthe words hit as high as possible.

I need a new phone.

I wonder, if he did really well in school. hmm. -heh-
oh wells. HOLIDAYS! I haven't got any plans on what to do for this week. Studying, of course, is the main part of it all, being the guai person that i am. wow. thanks. =)
I still need a new phone.
ANd now, i found that I have a new fascination for the colour GREEN. greeeeeeeen. to think i used to feel green wasn't fit to be a colour. -oops-
Maybe its due to eric's ongoing rants about nigel having the wonderfully green lacoste polo. erm, maybe not. Its way out of point.
and, I still need a new phone.
yea, i know, you guys are getting bored. no no.

I am alone...

2005-09-01T14:58:00.000+08:00

My life seems a complete blank now. I don't know where to go, what to do, and what i CAN do. Even if i look very hard around me for something, anything, that could guide me back to where i left off.
So i guess what happened last night was inevitable. Its not good, bottling up your feelings like that. confiding in someone would help solve things im sure; one way or another. Somehow, guess it was settled. gaah. Now, i am alone. lonely. more alone than i ever was.
Today is teacher's day. Think terence made it bad for mrs chan cuz of yesterday. nah she didnt' deserve a happy teacher's day anyway. She went to make a HUGE fuss out of a small thing: small puddle of water on the darn floor. what the hell la. lol. ok im feeling rather bad for saying that.
Went swimming again this morning. The sun was good, and now, i am RED. ok maybe not that red you know. -hahahaha-
I went ICA after that. who knows what it stands for. no prize for getting it right. Wanted to make a new IC. The receptionist wanted to check my birthcertificate, my passport, and she asked if i brought any photos along. I did, but it was taken with a blue background.
And so, i will have to take a photo with a white background. dumb.
With the photo in hand, i proceeded back to the counter, only to be told that i needed to bring either one of my parents IC along, or a photocopied version. shit that man. My brother didnt tell me that. He said it wasn't needed. That was a point, so i argued. The lady said: that was last time, now we need your parents IC.
Hey how long ago was it? only a mere month. alright its pretty long. whatever. I was rather narked by that. bah.
---
reading Longman's dictionary of contemporary english, which, incidentally is my favourite book, (yea right) I came across this new word. -hah-
The word is NAY. first impression it gave me was the cry of an animal. Isn't it? the actuall meaning is: a word used to stress a point. e.g. "A bright, nay blinding light". which actually means "not only bright, but also blinding"
Second meaning was " a noun".
-laughs-
meaning: a vote or a voter against an idea, plan, law, etc. haha.

whatever. to me, nay is the cry of a freaking donkey. hee haw.

rah rah rah.shut up you insects.

2005-08-31T01:18:00.000+08:00

Life seems to be pretty boring nowadays. nothing special happens. My life is systematic, whichever way you view it. Today was the last day of break we had, and there will be school tomorrow. or rather, today. Anyway, systematic gives the impression of busy-ness i think. NO way i was busy the past few days. I was freaking cooped up at home. wow. How busy can i get? Not attending school this few days also meant that i lost all sense of timing. Although i am still sure of the day, i seem to lose track of time constantly. Was supposed to do something for mum, but i actually forgot all about it. How could i? but it wasn't anything big.

Everyone's asleep. As always, the crickets or whatever it might be are making hell load of a noise downstairs. This has been happening since who knows when, everynight, without fail. Funny how they always start sounding whenever i need a rest. They are virtually non-existent to me when i am busy, going about doing my shit. BUT BUT BUT. JUST at the moment i lay my head on the pillow, eyes closed, the sounds start! -curses-
don't know why, but recently, i seem to be losing control over eveerything that i once had perfect TOTAL control over. Before i even realise what i am doing, and what devastating consequences it would definitely invite, i have done what i use to think was dumb. Of course, regret sets in almost immediately, but that doesn't mean that i won't be blurred enough to do what i did again. guess i have to act differently now under different situations.
right now, as your reading this, whoever, do not think of a white coloured mug with black coffee as its liquid content. do not.
-beams- at least i still have slight control over what people think. hoho.

oh man. wait. do i have the control. i said do not. whatever. Everytime i make mistakes, there is only one sort of mistake that i would always have the chance to correct, thanks to the graciousness of a certain someone. I need to clear that out of my mind. This is what leads to commiting of more mistakes. Even in days when i have the sun shining so brightly over me, dark clouds have always found a way to penetrate its way in and covers up my sun. MY sun. Not a day goes by in my life without a single unhappy incident happening.

Darn the CRICKETS. shut up.

This is a pretty dumb entry. its 2am. good night laptop.

the turtle's back.

2005-08-28T23:13:00.000+08:00

dad was commenting on a picture of our family we took two years ago. And he said this: "Funny. You don't look like me at all." well no. in fact i resemble him the most. hah. then he went on saying: "Im so yandao." oh my buddha. surprises me sometimes that my parents still have the ability to joke. oops.
feeling tired. cuz i swam. havent done that since don't know when. just know that it's been a long time since i swam. gaaah. pretty tired. that face in the baby food kinda creeps me out. alright, you might argue its not baby food. my brother did. -laughs-

yucks. quit staring.

today is sunday. not every day is.

2005-08-28T18:19:00.000+08:00

brawwwwww. yawns*.

darn tired. woke up like around 7 again. It's a sunday for my sake! Nobody wakes up so early on a sunday! I have to though. Dad and Mum always drags me out of bed. Don't take that to literal terms k. i am way too heavy for them to do that. -smiles-
Sunday's are wushu days. From 7 to around 930. yea. then, i will have to rush back home, take a shower, which always felt so refreshing i don't want to get out of them. Why the rush? i have got darn tuition at 10. -laughs-

oh i'll be back. i guess. not free.

finally got replacements.

2005-08-26T12:59:00.000+08:00

went to get a new ezlink card this morning. The things that i needed to bring with me were a passport size photo of myself, in SCHOOL UNIFORM. Birth certificate. I also brought the police report along with me. and i was real glad i did. if not i would have had to pay a freaking $17. Someone stole my sutff. its not due to negligence on my part. heh. though i still had to pay $9. uh huh. Most probably cuz this is my first time. Replacing my IC would definitely cost me a F*****G $100. thats crazy. If they keep providing this waiving of fees, nobody would ever really take care of their stuff.
yea. and max. hey you gotta cheer up man. I seriously don't think anybody is trying to compensate you for the time lost, with money. Besides, she's the coolest friend when she's with you. right? so your life's not bad. at all.
Today, i came across another band. It rang a bell, guess i must have heard it somewhere before. somewhere la. just that i forgot. mm hmm. Placebo. Isn't that a name of some certain drug or something. by drugs i mean medicine. not those dumb pills or powder that idiots in this world waste so much of their money on, just so it can kill them slowly. whatever.
i blog in the after noon. heh. Dad always complains about me not using the internet productively when im using it in his presence. hey man im blogging! whats so un-productive about it? haha. and i realised i haven't watch charlie and the chocolate factory yet. i better not miss it.
There's still a long way to go before the day ends. maybe i'll be back then.
wear your helmets.

bad day for terence.

2005-08-25T22:16:00.000+08:00

Why is it that I always seem to go into a burping frenzy whenever i gorge myself with watermelon. i know this is a pretty dumb question, and it only happens to me. hoho. didnt blog yesterday, as i was busy studying real hard for my Amath paper 2 today. Nothing special to me though. nothing different for a hardworking guy. like me. heh. I had to use an adult ezlink card, now that mine is with an asshole. fucker. thief. hypocrite. whatever. I suddenly realised how hard it can be to survive in this world as an adult, without your parents looking after you, correcting your mistakes and most important of all: The fact that they give you money on a regular basis. Without any loan documents or any other shitty implications.
Even so, it can be quite frustrating living under the same room with them. sometimes. sometimes LA. My sister loves arguing with my parents. She belong under the group of people, who don't admit they are wrong, even if deep down in their hearts, they know that they have actually no cause to be upset at all. Stubborn bunch of people. Yesterday was uneventful. Tuition took up much of my afternoon. so much that it left me with only enough time to eat 6 small dumplings, played a stupid game for approximately 1 half hour, practised my dancing moves, did 200 pushups (not all at once la), then i had my dinner. wow, i had quite alot of time actually.
Today, terence got his phone stolen. Not that i discriminate against people of different races, but a certain race with people sporting brown skin always seem to be those who are the baddest among the whole population of this crime infused country. terence got his phone stolen. Esplanade. that's where. my parents always warned me against mixing with breakdancers. wtf. not all are bad, just the majority. There are alot of nice people too. like me, im not bad! =)) and rasul. call him boy. thats what he told me. taught me pretty much what i needed to know so that i can achieve 1990!! thaat's a breakdance move by the way.
At the rooftop terrace of esplanade, we were doing our usual stuff there. And today, there was this chinese poly student doing his project work there. photography work. and by chinese, i meant that he is from china. yea. zhong guo ren. he actually wanted us to pose for him, and he took lots of pictures. hahahahaha.
So. all these summarises what happened. -laughs- not a very good one though. no wonder i always get a lousy grade for english.

OH. the picture. i forgot. it was taken when i was in los angeles. disneyland. My brother's. lol. stupid pic.

my phone and wallet. gone.

2005-08-23T12:44:00.000+08:00

after a darn sixteen years of existence in this world, today was the first time i lost my wallet and phone. both at once. not that i have lost them individually before. but. both, at once? that sucks.
so now, i lost my privacy, my contacts, my links, and my fking money. It's not as if reporting will do any help.
what normal people will do and would have done in a typical situation like this: find a fucker to blame. Yea. I want to. How? don't even know who or where to start with.
bah.
Yesterday was bad too. I desperately need somebody, something, some-whatever, to enlighten me about life's complexity. Humans are evil. gaaah. Officially now, i belong to the club housing sufferers of human comtempt. whatever that meant. blah. when exams end on thursday. i'll be the only on who remains glum.

eat this. you ass.

ok. What is it that i am feeling?

2005-08-21T17:13:00.000+08:00

Just now, I read something on friendster. It really intrigues me when someone makes the comment "that person's hot".
It'd be more common to hear that from a guy. Well i guess i understand because i AM a guy.
Not that it isn't common hearing it from females, but i guess the girls just have much better taste than us guys.

Guy: "That guy's hot."
Girl: "Don't make me sick."

Happens to me all the time. ;)

What i read, though, might just be able to trash this dumb view of mine. Trash as in, make it rubbish. Obviously, a female made this certain comment. Alright i shan't name names. hah. But trust me, the subject of the comment is NOT HOT. AT ALL.

NOPE. not at all. ok maybe not to me. But one's a huge number in terms of this. I am biased. Even Elmo's hotter.

DEFINITELY Hotter. Know why? cuz' elmo's red. But recently, it turned stony brown.

This is rubbish, i know. I realised my entry is filled with buts. ok maybe not. Tired of studying. Let's revise instead.
I am going to REVISE.

Modest mouse. She ionizes and atomizes.

2005-08-20T17:34:00.000+08:00

Alright. this song. when i read the lyrics, it appealed to me. it seemed nice. downloaded it, listened to it.
it sucks.
experimented with html. And i got this. Not that good though. Still trying to get music into this dumb blog.
Something happened. im worried. why would i feel this way. Maybe its because i don't know anything. I don't know what's going on. i only know that something happened.

ok lets talk about the picture.
...
...
...
...
...
need i say more?

alright. i am going.

this is intriguing.

2005-08-20T11:40:00.000+08:00

alright, i am trying real hard to understand what the hell all these funny funny buttons are all about.

so, if the person who created this blog read this, incidentally, please explain to me. =)

Where's the format editing button? so many funny buttons, but there just isn't one that does that. that is, bring me to the format editing page. whatever.

gaaaah. this is funny.

alright. whats this.

2005-08-12T13:41:00.000+08:00

oh. didnt noe it was in this format. no wonder they could make it go all colouful and stuff. lol.

alright, pretty cool. hahaha. thanks nu er =)

oh my. change of colour.

hey what am i. a child experimenting with poo? yea wadeva. hahahahaha.

BIG.ok not that big.

small. ok this is SMALL.

this is fun. hahahaha. fun. and its red. hah.

Ok. this isn exactly what anyone would call a post. would it? heh. nothing more to say. maybe doin it seriously tmr? who noes. laughs.

2005-08-10T14:33:00.000+08:00

hello!
this is ally.
LAU MA's NU ER.
It's the national day and I was bored.
so i decided to help LAU MA create a blog.
In which we shall all pray that he will blog!
SCREAMS!
and the address suits LAU MA.
OVERSIZED-GIANT!
wahahahaha.

all hail queen=)